Give Them a Good God Damn Listening To

I lost a deal on Friday.

Like — properly lost it.

We were instructed. We thought it was funding. Everything looked aligned. And then the client funded with another broker without a call, without a check-in, without even a courtesy heads-up.

That has never happened to me before.

And I was mad. Not reflective mad. Not curious mad. Mad as hell.

Saturday night, the house was quiet, but my head wasn’t.

I put on Landman to drown it out — not to learn anything, not to feel inspired — just to stop replaying the deal on a loop. And somewhere between still being pissed off and pretending I wasn’t, Billy Bob Thornton said a line that stopped me cold.

He’s talking to his son, who’s deep in girl trouble, spiralling and emotional, and he says:

“When they do something irrational like kick you out of the house, you gotta sit them down and give them a goddamn good listening to.”

And I knew instantly — this wasn’t about his son.

This was about me.

Because when we lose a deal — especially one we thought was solid — our instinct is to explain. To justify. To point out where the other broker or lender cut corners. To make sure the client knows why they should have funded with us.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth:

When a client chooses someone else, the last thing they need is a lecture.

They don’t need your spreadsheet. They don’t need your policy breakdown. They don’t need to be told why they made the wrong call.

They need to be heard.

A good god damn listening to doesn’t sound like advice.

It sounds like:

• “Help me understand what mattered most to you in that moment.”

• “What felt missing in our conversations?”

• “What made you feel confident enough to move forward elsewhere?”

And then — this is the hard part — you shut up.

No defending. No correcting. No waiting for your turn to talk.

Just listening.

Because it’s still your business to lose.

We don’t lose deals because clients are irrational. We lose them because something — timing, clarity, trust, confidence — didn’t land the way we thought it did.

And you don’t get better at this business by being right.

You get better by being curious.

That conversation might sting. It might confirm something you didn’t want to hear. It might highlight a gap you’ve been avoiding.

Good.

That’s where growth actually lives.

So the next time you lose a deal — and you will — resist the urge to educate.

Sit them down.

And give them a good god damn listening to.

Because every deal you lose is still teaching you something — if you’re willing to hear it.